Kiss Kiss Yahtzee!
by TGyamiBakura
Summary: Okay...Shin Makoku's been visited by 'mexicans' no racial steriotypes intended...just Yuuri's stupidity TG LOVES ALL RACES Conrad's...ahem...pregnant, Wolfram appears to be the only sane one and...well Yuuri want's to help the Mexicans save their planet..
1. Save My World

**Kiss Kiss Yahtzee!**

**By: TGyamiBakura**

**Disclaimer: None. I do own Kyou Kara Maou so fuck you all. You want to sue me? Go right ahead. Yeah that's right, whatcha going to do? (WHACK!)X...okay I lied about the whole owning thing...don't sue me please!**

**Hey there! It's me again. I don't know what possessed me to write a story like this so I don't know how it will turn out. For some reason I started writing it and i couldn't stop. Oh and about the title...It really has nothing to do what the story's about, I just have issues. Yeah I'm sorry I'm just terrible at updating things so don't be surprised if i don't update to this one anytime soon. I'm just lazy i have no excuse. **

**Ch. 1 Save My World**

"Oh my fucking god Yuuri I just can't take it any more! You suck so bad it makes me want to get head from Dorcas!" Wolfram was infuriated. Yuuri was bad before but this time he was intolerable. "Your never ever blowing me again you hear?"

"Well you know what? Your not even laying down. It's harder to do it on my knees! Why do we have to do it this way anyways?"

"Because it's more arousing to me,"

"Is that so? Well fuck you!" He sat down on the ground and started coloring in his coloring book. Wolfram glared evilly at him fully dressing himself. Then without announcement Conrad entered their bedroom.

"What seems to be the problem here?" Wolfram frowned at his brother.

"People that don't know how to fucking knock before they come in! You know, Conrad, I could have been ass-naked on the bed fucking Yuuri's brains out and you would have walked in," Yuuri started whistling while coloring in the octopus on one of his pages.

"Well I needed to tell you that..." He stopped abruptly to stare dumbly at the couch. Wolfram tapped his fingers on the bedside desk, growing more and more impatient by the second.

"Tell me what?" Conrad snapped back to reality.

"Tell you that I'm pregnant! Isn't it great?" A large sweat drop appeared on Wolfram's forehead.

"Are you on drugs Conrad?" Conrad shook his head.

"Nope. My baby is due on Monday."

"Monday? But you don't even _look_ pregnant."

"Shut up! I hate the way you judge me all the time!" He ran out and slammed the door. Yuuri stood up looking angrily at Wolfram.

"Your such a bitch Wolfram. Conrad was so happy and you just smashed his hopes."

"He was saying he's pregnant! Obviously there is something wrong in his head. And look at you! You were just on the floor coloring!"

"Shut up whore and make me some breakfast!" Wolfram was red with anger...and maybe euphoria? This colorful display of out of character-ness was puzzling yet slightly arousing.

"Yuuri thats it I'm marrying that bitch but I'm shamelessly cheating on her with you!" Wolfram walked out of the room. What he said was probably not true but he couldn't think of anything else at the moment. As he reached the secret corridor he walked more carefully.

"Haha, nobody suspects me..." He pushed aside a picture and was faced by a statue of a giant bearbee. "Shit, the password. I forgot...ummm...Periwinkle?" Suddenly the air was filled with the nauseating scent of bearbee paint insinuating that the password was wrong. "Umm...OH! I got it! Nizz frizzle dizzle!" The statue magically moved out of the way granting Wolfram the passage. Wolfram chuckled to himself. "I'm so boss,"

Wolfram was greeted to a large, periwinkle themed room with large squashy couches and many many statues of bearbee's. Paintings of Yuuri and Wolfram's psychotic love (using bearbee paint of course). He went over to the middle of the room where something obnoxiously large sat on a pedestal about 4 feet high. He took off the sheet revealing a very VERY shiny golden ball with a simple button in the middle. He pulled out a small book which mysteriously said "Anisinna's black book of forbidden inventions"

"Okay," He flipped to a page in the book. "It says here that all i need to do to get this machine to give me the ability to make someone fall incessantly in love with me is to say this incantation as i press the button. Wolfram closed the book and set it off to the side looking determined. He was very...well incredibly nervous, but he knew that the only way to make Yuuri fall in love with him completely without having anymore impure intentions was by brute force...well at least that was what his mother said.

"Okay here it goes," He gulped and placed his finger on the button. The rest of his future was depending on this very moment. He took a deep breath and pushed with all his might. Suddenly he was blinded by the most brilliant light he'd ever seen. It was a good thing he memorized the incantation. It was in a language that Wolfram had never heard before.

"Boku wa motomeru aisuru na!" Wolfram shut his eyes as the thing started glowing red. His hair blew uncontrollably by the mysterious wind that filled the room. He did everything in the strength he had not to let go. Then as quickly as it happened, it all stopped. Wolfram stood there astounded and when everything calmed down he felt his body.

"Hmm...I don't feel any different." He frowned and chucked the book at the golden ball. "What a fucking rip-off."

"Hey Wolfram? Can I borrow your colors? Mine all broke..." Yuuri's face fell to a very crushed look. Wolfram walked into the room.

"Yuuri...I already gave you my color crayons. If you broke them that's your pro...((Oo0...Eh?" Yuuri was very busy coloring on a very large hexagonal shaped titanium object that seemed to have crash landed in the middle of the room. "W...What the hell...?" Yuuri smiled at his fiancee.

"Isn't it pretty Wolfram? It looks like something I saw on television once," He hugged it gently and pressed his ear against the cold metal surface. "What's that? Your happy to meet Wolfram? He's my fiancee and I love him very much...but watch out because he can be an insufferable bitch at times,"

"Fuck you Yuuri!"

"It's okay, his anger won't last long...shh calm down," Wolfram tried very hard to ignore the fact that Yuuri was talking to a inanimate object. Speaking of the inanimate object...

"What the fuck _is _this thing and what is it doing in our bedroom?" Yuuri stood back and examined it.

"Well...it looks very much like a giant coffee can...a very _odd_ shaped coffee can, but it's definitely something I've seen before in my world." Wolfram nodded.

"A 'coffee can' you say? Well whatever it is, what does it want with our bedroom?"

"Well I don't know what this wants but the Mexicans that came out of it wanted to meet our leader. I tried to tell them that we don't sell coffee here but they didn't understand me. I guess my Espanol isn't very good huh?" Wolfram ignored that last part.

"People...came out of it you say?" Wolfram couldn't help but think that Yuuri was missing something. "Wh...Where are they now?"

"Oh, I told them to go wait in the sitting room. I was sort of weary about that. It looked as if they had a rare skin disease or something..." Wolfram grabbed Yuuri's hand and pulled him forcefully to the said room.

"Geeze Wolfram I thought you were only this forceful in bed!" Wolfram stopped to glare at him.

"You should have went for help you idiot! What if they're enemies and wanted to hurt you. You're unarmed and nobody was around!"

"Well excuse me, Ms. La-de-dah, I was just trying to be friendly!" Wolfram pushed him against the wall and kissed him, making Yuuri blush a furious shade of red. Wolfram broke it slowly.

"I know, that's why I worry you wimp," Yuuri couldn't keep his heart from racing. He watched as Wolfram slowly opened the door revealing four...very green looking Mexicans.

"Who are you people and why did you come here," said Wolfram boldly. The first one which was bald and had large black beady eyes stood up and spoke with a mechanical voice

"We are looking for the leader of Shin Makoku,"

"Tell me why you are here and your business with our King,"

"We are beings from the planet Zorgon. Our world is currently under a universal attack. We've come seeking your assistance and join us in an unbeatable alliance." Wolfram looked astounded, ditto for Yuuri.

"Earth is under an attack?" The strange Mexican shook his head.

"We are not of Earth. Did I not just say that we are from the planet Zorgon?" Yuuri and Wolfram didn't hear because they were too busy whispering amongst themselves.

"Oh my god Wolfram! My planet is under attack from aliens! What should we do?"

"There's only one thing we can do. We must join these people and protect it with all of our might!" Yuuri nodded. The green Mexican looked at them annoyed.

"Are you even listening to me...!"

"HAI! Gather the troops Wolfram! Time to save my planet!" Wolfram nodded and took off. "You Mexicans!" The four sitting on couches pointed at themselves confusedly. "We agree to help you in your mission. From now on we are all brothers! Race doesn't matter anymore! It's about saving our home!" One of the other green people whispered to another.

"Is he _really_ from Zorgon?" The other shook his head. The leader sighed

"So does that mean that you will help us then?" Yuuri nodded.

"Yes. I have family on Earth and I must save them at all costs. As king this is my duty!"

"But Earth isn't under an attack, its Zorgo..."

"Enough! Time is money! We must get going!" Wolfram came back with Conrad, Gunter, and Gwendal, all gasping from running so fast. "Okay my fellow friends! Start up your magical coffee can and lets get going," Yuuri stopped to notice a certain ginger haired girl pulling at his black pant leg.

"Papa, where are you going?" Yuuri went down on his knees and hugged his daughter tightly.

"Greta, I have to go save mankind. But don't worry, I'll be back. You watch the kingdom while me and Papa Wolfram are away okay? I love you very much,"

"But papa on such short notice?" One of the green men went up to his leader and whispered.

"Is it okay to deceive him like this, Gaion?" Gaion nodded his head.

"If he's helping us, then I don't see a problem with it. Let this idiot believe his own dillusions a little while longer. It saves us the hassle of trying to negotiate."

"...Okay, we'll see you soon Greta," said Wolfram, kissing her forehead. "Be a good girl okay?" Greta nodded. "Alright, let's go,"

"No...umm Wolfram, all the dice have to be the same number to have a Yahtzee,"

"Fuck that, I want tongue bitch!" Yuuri and Wolfram spent the entire time playing Kiss Kiss Yahtzee. The rules were the same except that every time you got a Yahtzee you had to kiss the person on your right...and since Wolfram refused to play with anyone else the only other person to kiss was Yuuri.

Yuuri smiled. "Your such a sore loser..." He put his lips on Wolfram's and entered them with his tongue. Wolfram pulled him closer. Maybe Yuuri wasn't very good at blow jobs...or sex for that matter but he did know how to kiss. "Alright Wolfram, my turn...UMF" He was now pushed down on the seat being molested by Wolfram. Gwendal stood up from his seat.

"There is no groping in Kiss Kiss Yahtzee! Keep it PG please!" Conrad smiled...looking up from his umm...knitting.

"Why don't you try to enjoy the view?" He looked out into the black, starry abyss that was the universe. It was spectacular. Yuuri finally managed to push Wolfram off of him and looked at one of the 'Mexicans'

"Umm...sumimas...I mean Ola...what brand of coffee do you sell anyways." The green man looked up and sweat dropped, remembering what Gaion told him.

"Umm...brand?" Yuuri nodded.

"You know, like Folgers, or Boca Java or something?" the man pulled at his collar not sure how to respond.

"Umm...it's a...uh toxi..fornicus brand?" Yuuri paused for a very long and awkward time and then nodded.

"Of course! Keep up the good work!" Yuuri gave him the "thumbs up" and the other nervously returned it. This was going to be a long...LONG battle.

**End Ch. 1**

TG: Oo0 Okay that was pretty weird...I don't understand myself anymore. Where do these strange ideas come from? Well you can expect another chapter because i have plenty ideas. More about Conrad and his supposed pregnancy...umm Yuuri's utter stupidity, Wolframs unnaturally large Lolita complex. And Gwendals BIG secret. PLEASE R&R. You people inspire me. And ideas ARE welcome. The more ideas I get the faster chapters come. Flames welcome too. I really don't care. And I know this isn't a Yu-Gi-Oh! Fanfiction but it'd be fun to hear about ways to murder Anzu (Tea depending on if you watch the dub) I'll list you and all of your Anzu-killing suggestions and have a contest on which is the best one.


	2. Enter Zorgon

**Kiss Kiss Yahtzee!**

**By: TGyamiBakura**

**Disclaimer: Psychiatrist: You do not own Kyou Kara Maou.  
TG:...:sniffle:...yes I do...  
Psychiatrist: No, TG, you don't! **

**TG: OMG YES I DO!!! SHUT UP AND LET ME INDULGE IN MY OWN TWISTED FANTASIES:pulls out bazooka and blasts away evil psychiatrist:**

**Psychiatrist:dead:...**

**TG:...Oo0...oops...heh **

**Kay people this is definitely a CRACKFIC. It's not like serious or anything so if what anything Wolfram or the other characters say offends you, that's the point. I don't hold out on profanity when i write crack. Also these things are _supposed _to be filled with randomness. I make these to make fun of the characters...(whom i love very much by the way). You should be thankful that I haven't written a Mary-sue yet. (Thank god)**

**Ch. 2 Enter Zorgon**

"Attention all passengers, approaching Zorgon in 5 minutes" Yuuri took out his headphones and looked out the window of the giant coffee can. His mouth dropped in awe at what had become his planet. It appeared to have no oceans left and it was pink nonetheless. The war had been hard on it from what he saw.

"Good lord..." was all he could muster. He shook his head. Conrad sat next to him and smiled nervously.

"Yuuri, don't you think that somethings wrong with this?" Being the rational, good looking nice guy that he was, Conrad had already realized that this wasn't a mission to save Earth.

"Of course," Yuuri shook his fist. "Those alien bastards are trying to take over my world! They must be stopped!" Conrad laughed nervously.

"I don't think that's the case, Heika," Yuuri looked at Conrad sternly.

"Of course it is Conrad! Gasp! Don't tell me that your on _their_ side!!" He took Conrad's hands and looked at him concernedly. "Don't worry Conrad. Post-war depression is common in middle aged men such as yourself," Conrad frowned.

"_Middle_-_aged_??" He straightened up and shook his finger. "Girl don't you be callin' me old. I'll kick your white ass. Ain't no way you be better than me," Wolfram in the seat next to him snickered.

"Nope, I'm better," Conrad looked at him.

"And what makes you think that, _little _brother?" Wolfram smirked.

"My fangirls could beat up your fangirls," :group anime fall: Yuuri stood up fully clad in a very pink frilly dress with...strange gothic like buckles looking determined. The skirt wasn't quite long enough to hide...well things...

"Fangirls like anime boys who crossdress! I know that because Wolfram gets more fanmail than me complementing his sleepwear. Wolfram twitched. Conrad eating a strange combination of ice cream and pickles. Wolfram, ignoring the fact that he was getting quite the excessive nosebleed at the sight of yuuri's pale, overly-exposed legs, went over to one of the green men and pulled him up by the collar forcefully.

"Where the hell are we?" The green one sighed.

"Well we tried to tell you before but we are really aliens from another planet. Your idiot _king_ over there is just an ignorant airhead."

"Well I already knew that last bit...but If your not of Earth then why did you deceive us??" The alien grabbed Wolfram's arm and pulled him off.

"Ick! Don't touch me with your filthy human hands!...You'll ruin the seams!"

"Don't call me a human! I am a full blooded Mazoku! Don't insult me! Now tell me why you've been taking advantage of my fiancee's idiocy!" Wolfram looked over and sweat dropped at the sight of Yuuri walking down the isle glowing and surrounded by bubbles, flowers and churibs. He was positively glowing. Conrad was chucking wedding rice everywhere getting it into everybody's eyes. "Yuuri what the hell are you doing?"

"Preparing for our wedding of course!" He chuckled girlishly, revealing...more making him appear to be an innocent little girl. Wolfram scared, but simply aroused at the same time, pushed back the very gutter like thoughts and yelled.

"For the last time, none of us are wearing dresses at the wedding!!! We'll save that for the bedroom...! I mean...!" Yuuri blushed, adding to the sweet innocent appearance.

"Wolfram's such a naughty boy. I suppose next you'll be into BDSM...which reminds me; Where's Gwendal?"

"How the hell does that remind you of Gwendal??" said Wolfram angrily, having the feeling that he was missing something. Conrad stood up stopping his mp3 player.

"I don't think I've seen him since the beginning of the trip... I think he's mad at me..." Conrad's cheerful, ice-cream filled face turned solemn. Yuuri went to him and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Why's that Nekochu-sama?"

"Well...last time we were making snowmen...I accidentally went crazy and SMASHED HIS GODDAMN EVIL SNOWMAN TO BITS!!!" Everyone stared. "...I mean, i accidentally broke his...eh heh,"

"I see I see," Yuuri nodded. "Well then, we're just going to have to build him a new one then aren't we?" Conrad sniffed.

"You think we can Yuuri-sama?" Yuuri nodded knowingly.

"I'm sure we can Conrad...it will just take a lot of effort,"

"No Yuuri...it takes friendship..." :slap:

"YOU FUCKING BITCH! GET AWAY FROM MY F WORD!" All off a sudden a girl with brown hair enters the scenery.

"..F...Fu...Fuck??" stammered Conrad. The ugly girl rolled her eyes.

"No you idiot! Friendship!! Thats MY word! I OWN IT! I CAN SUE YOU!" Conrad shook in fear as the wild blue eyed girl was in her rage. Then she was subdued by some spikey haired kid who looked too short and some tall blonde guy. They both wore sunglasses and suits.

"Sorry bout that sir...she's been trying to spread this "_friendship" _or whatever it is for a long time. Now we finally cought her thanks to you and she won't be able to corrupt the world ever again.

"GWENDAL!!" Everybody's attention turned to the gray haired soldier in the corner of the plane. He looked positively bored and uninterested in anything. Conrad went over and embraced his older brother tightly. "Where have you been? We've all been so worried."

"I've been...existing..." He said very emo-ishly.

"Well thank god for that!" Conrad's cheer didn't seem to spread, for Gwendal wore a possibly even deeper gloom than before.

"Okay Wolfram this game is pointless. Since the point of Kiss Kiss Yahtzee is to kiss somebody, and since we both want to be kissed, everybody wins! I DEMAND BLOOD!!!" Wolfram looked hurt.

"But Yuuri...I like kisses better than blood..and your OOC-ness is starting to scare me,"

"Attention humans...we have arrived at Zo--"

"EARTH?? REALLY?? Omg I'm so excited! I wonder if mom is still alive..." Wolfram hit Yuuri on the back of his head.

"You idiot, we've established that this is _not _Earth but is the planet Zor..bleh or whatever,"

"It's Zorgon you insolent humans!!"

"So what are you saying?" Said Yuuri hesitantly. Wolfram sighed.

"For the last time this is _not_ Earth,"

"ZOMG! ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THE ALIEN SCUM HAS RENAMED OUR PLANET TOO?? Oh god...this is too much" Yuuri looked like he was about to puke. Wolfram was getting a giant headache.

"So who is attacking your planet?" asked Conrad. The aliens flinched. One of them spoke up in hushed words.

"It is said to be a giant mechanical being that has the power to withstand the heat of the sun..." Wolfram looked worried.

"Is...It that powerful?" The green people nodded in unison.

"It destroys 5 cities a day and eats our people

"Hmph...If it's so powerful why does it only destroy 5? If I could withstand the power of the sun I would at least get 40. Sounds like you guys are just chicken shit. I can take this guy." Said Wolfram. The aliens looked irritated.

"Well you can see for yourself," One of them gestured to the outside where indescribable destruction was taking place.

"...yeah it's not scaring me." The blonde shrugged. You guys should just grow some balls," Yuuri stood up and all of a sudden the star wars theme started to play out of nowhere...

"To save the world we must fight as one. This metal sun-survivor can't win against us all..."

"Actually it's very possible that it can..."

"SILENCE! I'm the king and I know everything! I say we go out there and destroy it! Whatever it is, all things must come to an end! Wolfram...my love, I'm counting on us to defeat it together..." He took Wolfram's hands and looked deeply into his eyes. Then Conrad and Gwendal stepped in ruining the beautiful bishounen-ai moment.

"What about us you ungrateful brat??" Said Conrad.

"Conrad you're pregnant, you can't hurt yourself...and Gwendal...well...you knit.."

"What does that have to do with anything?? I'm the best fighter here!" Yuuri rolled his eyes and looked back at his fiance.

"It's up to us Wolfram," With that he put his arms around the blonde's neck and kissed him softly. Wolfram immediately responded.

Little did the boys know, the aliens were silently drooling at the beautiful sight before them. Conrad sighed.

"Boys can't this wait til later..."

"STOP INTERRUPTING THE PRETTY!!" Shouted all the aliens in unison.

"O.o...umm, don't you guys want us to help you save Zorgon?"

"Nothings more important right now than to watch these two make out!!" Yuuri and Wolfram were starting to...ehem..moan and somehow ended up on the couch ravishing each other on the couch.

":twitch: You...would rather watch them make out...than save your thousands of people who are dying right now?" All the aliens nodded in unison.

"Why do you think we chose you people to help us? It's because of these two," Conrad couldn't help but sweatdrop at this comment.

"Uhmm Wolfram...I think we need...oh...to save the world now...mmm," gasped Yuuri as Wolfram caressed his nipples, licking and biting his neck. The blonde stopped and smiled.

"I suppose you're right...Let's go and we can continue this later," He gave his king one last kiss and they both got up, dressing properly, oblivious to the disappointed faces on the aliens.

"Let's get a move on! Times a wasting! Time to head out into the unknown...face countless dangers..probably die but who the fuck cares! We have a planet to save!!" Everybody groaned at Yuuri's enthusiasm and grudgingly left the ship

**End Ch 2**

**Woot! End of Ch. 2! Can't believe i updated ne? Well it's going to be a while for a 3d...i know this one sucked lol cause i just don't know how to put these plans into action...maybe some help? ah...I'll try my best...keep the reviews coming **

**TG: Okay I have an announcement. I'm hosting an Anzu Mazaki killing contest:points to Anzu who is tied up and gagged in the corner: I would like to just kill her but that would be a waste. After all the terrible friendship nonsense that isn't true that she forces us all to listen to. Her bullshit kindness. Her always interrupting the wonderful yaoi-ish moments. After I always felt like pulling my brain out of my ear and feeding it to my cat, only to stop because I don't want the poor animal to be poisoned. Nope this death has to be perfect. Find the best way and then you get the honor of removing her from the world. ENJOY.**

**As of now, Irvine Cypher is in the lead for killing...I LOVE the idea of her getting run over by a 20-wheeler truck! All your other ones are good too. Don't think anyone could beat it. If you want to see, just go to the reviews lol...i'm overwhelmed. I like it, keep up the good work. Ice cream for you Cypher.  
**


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